Perfect Timing

Just found out that my writing mentor, Natalie Goldberg, will be in Madison this Wednesday. This, after spending hours looking through my past journals, thinking, "Shit, I used to be a pretty good writer - what the hell happened?" I haven't taken a pen to a lined piece of paper to do anything other than write a 100 item "to do" list in probably 3 years.

I took a week-long workshop with Natalie ten years ago in Taos, New Mexico - I drove there from wherever I was living at the time. . . Oregon? California? can't remember. It was inspiring, infuriating, wonderful, and the end of what was a borderline stalking mentality I had about her. I drove away realizing that she's no different from me or you or anyone else, after having her on a mile-high pedestal for years.

Enough time has passed and she's not even been in my mind at all. I have no idea if she's published another book, but when I saw her face on the flyer at Borders two days ago, I felt my whole body light up. Just when I need her.

Count me in.

All I Want to Do

All I want to do is sit in a nice comfy chair, eat potato chips, drink coke or beer, and stare out the window wishing I were in a warmer place.

Eckhart Tolle

Listening to Eckhart Tolle in the car. Helps. But after listening to 6 discs I was ready for something else.

I keep saying to myself, "I just want to be alone." I realized this morning that when I'm driving to work or to the store or anywhere, I am alone. I should embrace that. Instead I think about where I'm going, how I wish I were home, blah blah blah.

So today, I'll clean out the car and make it a place I like and will take advantage of that time.

Hello Darkness

Depression has set in and it's not pretty. A week in Florida, thought it would make things better, but even there I was dark. I crave alone time. I never have it. I want to go to sleep and not wake up. Everyone wants something from me. I can't even talk, for fear of what I'll say. R says, "what's wrong?" and I want to smash his face in. I hate everyone and the simple act of purchasing a bagel is painful because I have to interact with someone.

Up for Air

After six months of taking on my new job - which is all encompasing, I am finally able to come up for air.

Here's Mickey with Rick and a sweet canine being named Bailey, whom we were watching last weekend. Almost one year with Mickey. We love him.

Pepe - A Very Special Canine American

When I worked at In Defense of Animals, Margo came to work every day with Pepe, a chihuahua with personality plus. He was fearless, sometimes obnoxious, adorable, cuddly, smart, and very funny. He always had a strange little collar on, which seemed huge on his little body. There were other, much larger dogs at the office, but no one was bigger than Pepe (in his mind).

I saw him five years ago again when I went to SF to celebrate my 50th birthday. When I got home I went directly to the humane society and brought home Milly and Jack, because, well, Pepe told me to.

Pepe passed away this month. When dogs die, they grab your heart on their way out, leaving you with a huge empty spot right there in your chest. It's just too much.

xo Pepe xo

Mickey's First Day at Daycare